Howl
by beautiful.unusual
Summary: James is in love with Kendall... well, some of Kendall.
1. introduction

Tap...tap...tap...tap...

I sighed. He _knew_ it bothered me. Sometimes I think he did it just to get under my skin. Everything he did got under my skin. Great. _Another_ headache. That monotonous sound was ringing in my ears now.

Tap...tap...tap

"James."

No response. Now, I'm getting angry.

"James!"

Tap...tap...tap

"JAMES!" I got up, picked up his pen and snapped it in half. Ink flying all over the sheet of paper, some of it landing on his pants. "Shut the fuck up, already!" I flung the remaining bits of the pen toward the back of the room, before walking to the bathroom and locking myself in.

_"He didn't mean to upset you, that's just James."_

_**"I don't care if he meant it or not, he's an annoying prick."**_

_"That annoying prick is the love of your life, he's been there for you through everything."_

_**"What has he ever done for me other than get me beat up back in Minnesota? Sometimes loving him just isn't worth it! He's not worth it!"**_

Kendall was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Who is it?" he answered harshly. He sighed when James peeked his head

"Kendall? You okay?"

"What do _you_ want?"

"I'm sorry, if I did something wrong. I never meant to upset you." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and rocked from side to side.

"Well, you did with that stupid tick of yours!" He began pacing back and forth before dizziness washed over him. He grabbed onto the sink to stabilize himself.

"You feeling alright?" James moved closer. Kendall looked pale. His shoulders and wrists going slack just before his knees gave out.

"Whoa!" James exclaimed as he grabbed him just before hitting the floor. He carried him to the room that he and Logan shared, and put him on the bed.

"Wait here. Don't move." He ran to the bathroom and grabbed a towel. Wetting it, before bringing it back to Kendall.

"I'm sorry for breaking your pen." He pulled himself up into a sitting position. "I'm sorry for yelling at you." James placed the cloth on his boyfriend's head.

Kendall gripped James' neck with both hands, pulling him into a hard kiss.

"I love you." He whispered, peppering kisses from his ear to his jaw before laying back down.

James didn't know how much more of this he could take. He loved Kendall. He loved him with all his heart, but he didn't know how to deal with this. All of these fits of rage. His ups and his downs. He'd never been so scared to love someone.

"You love me, too...right?"

He laid down beside him, and kissed his forehead.

"Always."

* * *

><p>You're probably saything to yourself, <em>"This seems so familiar."<em> That's because I started this before. I'm starting over and I'm planning on keeping up with it.

Feel free to review again if you did before, or review for the first time if you're a new reader. :)-


	2. set it running free

"I love you, baby." James sighed, thrusting gently into the blonde beneath him.

"J-james!" Kendall whimpered as he fell over the edge, clutching onto James' shoulders with James following soon after. Collapsing next to his boyfriend, James placed small kisses on Kendall's back.

"That was nice." He sighed as he pulled him closer. Wrapping his around around the blonde's torso. "Really nice."

Kendall hadn't show signs of getting upset all day. It had been a nice, calm, romantic afternoon. They'd woken up in each other's arms at around noon. Kendall made them brunch and they'd spent the rest of the afternoon cuddled up on the couch watching Adventure Time. It worried James that his aggression came and went so frivolously. He feared that a full day of happy Kendall meant a full day of angry Kendall, but this day he was just Kendall. The Kendall that James had grown up with. The Kendall he fell in love with.

"Yeah. It was" He felt Kendall turn and opened his eyes. He was faced with a shade of emerald, only found in Kendall's eyes. He smiled. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He pulled Kendall closer, their noses touching. "So much." His Kendall. No outbursts, no fighting, and no yelling. He closed his eyes, never wanting this moment to end.

* * *

><p>James woke up at around 6:30 pm. He walked out to the living room and found a note.<p>

**Kendall said to go to dinner without you. **

**Said you were sick. **

**We're gonna bring you soup. **

**He said he'll take care of you while we're gone. **

**-Carlos**

**PS: Get some sleep -Logan**

James laughed at the footnote. Of course, Logan had to play doctor. James stuck the note back to the refrigerator and walked over to the couch.

"Ken? Where are you?" Kendall bounced out of the bathroom and plopped on the couch next to James.

"Hi." He smiled before shooting forward to connect his lips with James'.

"When did they leave?"

"About five minutes ago. Why?"

"They're eating in, so you know what _that_ means right?" James kissed a line from Kendall's earlobe to his neck. "We have _us_ time."

"We just had _us_ time not even two hours ago. What, was that not enough for you?" He could hear it in his voice. He was angry.

"No. I just thought that since it might be a whil-"

"You were thinking with your dick which means you _weren't_ thinking at all." Kendall got up and stormed off into their shared room.

"Babe!" He followed after him, moving toward the light in the bathroom. He pressed his ear against the door.

_"He said he loves you. Why would he lie to you?" _

**_"He doesn't love me. No one loves me!" _**

_"You know that James cares about you. He'd never lie to you." _

"_**Bullshit**_!" James heard a loud crash. He was scared to walk in, but something could happen to Kendall. He couldn't let him hurt himself. He opened the door and saw Kendall standing at the other end of the room, the mirror shattered in hundreds of shards on the tile floor.

"Ken?" He paused and tried to walk around the broken glass. "You okay, babe?" Kendall had a blank expression on his face. Eyes not moving from their spot on the floor. "Kendall?" James lifted his chin. His emerald eyes turned a dark, forest green. "Look at me."

He lifted his eyes to look at his boyfriend, before gripping his shoulders and shoving him against the wall. Kendall wasted no time before forcing his hand down James' shorts, stroking him through the material of his boxers.

"K-_ken_-Kendall?" The name came out more feebly than James had wanted, but Kendall continued. "Kenny, _please_."

"Shut the fuck up, James. That's all you do is talk." He pulled him forward, up against his body. "Talk, talk, talk. Kendall, Kendall, Kendall. Do this, do that. When am _I_ going to get to boss _you_ around?" He shoved him into the wall, leaving the room before James fell to the floor in pain.

* * *

><p>When James tried to get up, he screamed. A sharp pain, equivalent to someone wringing his spine shot through him. He heard movement coming from the living room and tried to move fast. He was scared. Kendall has never been this physical with him during one of his fits. He's thrown a rock at him once, but it was barely bigger than a pebble.<p>

"James!" Kendall dropped to his side. "Are you okay? What the fuck happened?" He kneeled next to James. Doe-eyed, waiting for a response from his boyfriend.

"Kendall...you don't remember what happened?"

"No. Are you okay?"

James didn't know what was going on. Ten minutes ago, Kendall was shoving James into a wall. Now, he doesn't remember what was going on. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes. He didn't know if it was the pain in his back, or the realization that Kendall's anger management issues weren't anger management issues at all, but something much worse.

"I'm fine, Ken." He leaned up as far as his back would stretch to kiss his boyfriend. "Thank, though."

He had to get Kendall to a doctor somehow. This wasn't going to get any better.

* * *

><p>There it is! Review and stuff :)-<p> 


	3. screaming in the dark

James woke up the next morning, and went to the library. He knew it would seem out of character, so he'd told everyone that he was going to the mall. When he got there he'd made a beeline for the back of the building. He sat down at one of the tables and pulled out his laptop, entering Kendall's symptoms into google as soon as Safari opened. The first two results were for schizophrenia and post traumatic stress disorder.

"It can't possibly be that bad." He clicked through the wikipedia page and saw a related link for '_dissociative identity disorder_.' He scrolled down to the symptoms and read through them all, mentally checking off the ones that Kendall had.

"Memory loss, sudden anger, auditory of multiple personalities, paranoia." He kept scrolling until he found the causes.

_**"This disorder is theoretically linked with the interaction of overwhelming stress, traumatic antecedents,insufficient childhood nurturing, and an innate ability to dissociate memories or experiences from consciousness.A high percentage of patients report child diagnosed with DID often report that they have experienced severe physical and sexual abuse, especially during early to mid childhood"**_

"But Kendall's childhood was fine. Wasn't it?"

* * *

><p>When he got back to the Palm Woods, he heard yelling coming from the inside of 2J. He unlocked the door quickly and pushed it open. Logan was pulling Kendall toward his room, while Carlos sat in the living room having his nose tended to by Katie and Mrs. Knight.<p>

"What happened?" James asked as he closed the door and made his way over to Carlos.

"I don't know! We came back from the studio and Kendall was mad because Gustavo got mad at us, so I told him that maybe he should stop talking back and just listen sometimes and he punched me!" James bit his lip and sat next to his small friend.

"I've got it, guys." He grabbed the cloth from her hand and held it under Carlos' nose. "You should go check on Kendall." They nodded and made their way to the back of the apartment. James pinched the bridge of Carlos' nose and tipped his head back slightly.

"I can't believe he did this to you." He used his free hand to wipe the stray tears from Carlos' cheeks. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I don't think it's broken." Carlos sniffled. "It just scared me."

"Scares me, too."

* * *

><p>When everything had wound down, James slowly made his way to his and Kendall's room.<p>

"Baby?" James peeked his head in the door and saw Kendall sitting in the corner by the window, hugging his knees to his chest. "Kenny, what happened?"

"I don't know."

"Come on, Kendall." He sat down next to him. "Of course you know. Just tell me. I won't get mad at you or anything."

"I really don't know." James could hear in Kendall's voice that he'd been crying. He moved closer and put his hand on his knee.

"What do you mean_ 'you don't know'_? Why'd you do it?"

"I don't remember, okay!" He jumped up and walked over to the bed. "I really don't. I just remember Logan yelling at me and Carlos screaming. That's it."

"You really don't remember what happened?" Kendall nodded and James shot over to where he was sitting, pulling him into his arms.

"It's like _I_ didn't do it. I would never hurt Carlos. I would never hurt _anyone_." He curled himself further into James chest.

"I know you wouldn't. We'll figure this out, okay?" He kissed the top of Kendall head and rocked him until he fell asleep. He hoped that they could figure it out. For Kendall's sake.

* * *

><p><strong>Very short chapter, but we're getting to the good parts I guess. Review tend to motivate me to write faster...that's not a bribe at all. ;)-<strong>


	4. howl when we're apart

_"DID is very serious when untreated." _The video James was watching was of a therapist, explaining ways to keep someone with DID out of harm's way. James loved Kendall and would die if he had to see him hurting like this.

"Babe?" James pulled his earbuds out and looked over to Kendall's bed.

"Go back to sleep, Ken."

"I can't. Not without you." When Kendall got up and walked over to James' bed, he closed out of the video and set his laptop under his bed.

"I'm right here, okay? I'm not goin' anywhere." Kendall cuddled up next to him and sighed contently.

"Good." James kissed his forehead and pulled the covers over their bodies. "I really didn't mean to hurt Carlos earlier. I'm sorry."

"Babe, don't be sorry. We're going to fix this, alright? We'll fix everything so you get better."

"As long as it gets rid of the headaches." James rubbed his shoulder until Kendall jumped out of bed.

"Kendall? What's wrong?"

"Your shoes." Kendall got down on his knees and and began aligning James' shoes against the closet door.

"Babe, why are you-"

"They just have to be fixed, alright? They're bothering me." James made a mental note to check if OCD was one of the symptoms of DID. When he'd finished aligning the shoes, Kendall bounced back into bed and snuggled back under the covers. "Sorry. They were really messy. It would've messed with me all night."

"Hey, babe?" Kendall looked up at James with questioning eyes and james pondered whether asking him to visit a psychiatrist would set off one of Kendall's moods. "I feel like there's something about you that you're not telling me."

"What do you mean?" Kendall sat up and crossed his arms. Though his body language was hostile and tense, his face remained calm and caring.

"I mean, there's a whole part of your life that I don't know about." Kendall pulled his arms tighter to himself and his jaw clenched. "I've been your best friend for over ten years. I've been your boyfriend for two. I just want to know everything."

"James," He sighed and James didn't know what to expect. "there are just parts of my life that I'll never tell anyone about, okay? I especially wouldn't want to burden you with those things." He kissed James' temple and laid back down.

"Night, Ken." Kendall didn't respond.

_At least he didn't punch me._

* * *

><p>When James had heard that Carlos and Logan were going to the mall he'd decided to tag along, leaving Kendall at home to sleep. They spent the day shopping, and James spent forty percent of his time trying to teach Carlos and Logan how to act around girls.<p>

"Carlos, she wasn't _into you_. She was throwing fries at you to make you go away." James laughed as he unlocked the front door. As soon as the door was opened, Kendall leaped into James' arms. James had to drop his bags to support his boyfriend's weight, ignoring the snickering he heard as Carlos and Logan made their way past the two.

"Where the hell did you go?" Kendall gripped James' face and kissed him all over. James finally pulled away and set Kendall down slowly until his feet hit the floor.

"Mall." James walked into the bedroom and dropped his bags near his closet, kicking his shoes off before moving to sit on his bed. Kendall trailed behind him, fixing his shoes, then joining him on the bed. "Went shopping with Carlos and Logan."

"You couldn't have told me?"

"Didn't want to wake you," He unbuttoned his pants and threw them in the direction of the hamper. "you look cute when you sleep."

"I woke up and you were gone. Why'd you leave me like that?"

"I'm sorry, babe. Next time I'll leave a no-"

"I thought you'd left me forever. You can't just leave me." Kendall's arms wrapped tightly around James waist. "Don't leave me, _Dad_."

"What?" James had barely heard it, it was almost lower than a whisper, but it was loud enough. Kendall's grip on his waist released as he sat up, coming eye to eye with James.

"What?" He questioned, eyes squinted with a hand coming up to rub his forehead.

"H-headache again?" Kendall nodded slowly and laid down next to James.

"Lets take a nap." He kicked off his shoes and curled up beside James. The brunette thought back to the list of symptoms.

"Kendall, what did you do while we were gone today?" Kendall sat for a minute, staring at the ceiling with a puzzled look on his face.

"Don't really remember, but I'm exhausted. Nap time, okay?"

"That doesn't worry you? That you don't remember what you were doing for 5 hours? Hon, that's-"

"I don't care about anything but you being here with me, and now that you are we can take a nap together." He pecked his nose and laid back down by his side. "I love you."

_Maybe I'm in over my head playing Dr. Phil here? _"Love you, too."

"Always?" James looked down at Kendall, who was practically asleep.

"Of course."

* * *

><p><strong>I suck at updating this story, and I'm sorry for that. I promise to get chapters out faster because I actually have a plan for this. Okay, review and enjoy but not in that order. :3<strong>


	5. taste your beating heart

"You dogs ready for this?" Kendall looked around the curtain and shook his head. "No? What do you mean, _no_? I've been preparing you for this for months!"

"Too many people." James moved toward him to rub comforting circles on his back. "There's too many people out there."

"Since when is the great Kendall Knight afraid of a crowd of people cheering him on?" Carlos added, not exactly helping the situation.

"Does it matter? I just can't go out there, okay!" Kendall stormed off toward the boys' dressing room and James followed, waiting behind the door.

_They can't do it without you. Brothers of the ice don't quit on each other._

_**Who cares about that shit anymore? I made all of it up, anyway! **_

_They're your best friends! You're brothers! Remember the pact from 6th grade? Stick together, puck the others! _

It went on this way for a while. Back and forth, back and forth. James could hear..._them_ bickering from behind the door. He'd come to the conclusion that all of that junk about geniuses talking to themselves was wrong. They were just crazy.

"SHUT UP!" He heard come from behind the door, followed a few loud crashes and bangs. Kendall repeated the phrase over and over, each one followed by a different loud noise. Logan and Carlos ran down the hall, stopping next to James.

"James! What are you doing, go help him!" All he could do was stare at the white door, vibrating with each clatter. Gustavo rushed to open the door and screamed when he saw what was behind it. The two boys followed, both ranting about their cell phones and games that had all been destroyed by Hurricane Kendall.

In the mess of yells and still falling objects, Kendall sat in the corner, looking lost and tiny with his hands over his ears and his eyes screwed shut. As James moved closer to him, he could hear him whispering '_shut up_' repeatedly to himself. James got down on his knees in front of the blonde and pulled his arms down, lacing their fingers together on one hand and using the other to wipe his tears.

"_What's happening to me?_" All James could do is shake his head and cry with him.

* * *

><p>Kendall hated waiting rooms almost as much as he hated doctors. He only came because James was here and he told him that the doctor could give him something to stop the headaches.<p>

"Knight? Kendall Knight?" James stood and waved at the nurse. She nodded and he held up a finger.

"Babe, I'm gonna go over there for a minute and I'll call you over when I'm ready." Kendall nodded and crossed his legs, picking up a magazine from the side table. James walked over to the nurse and stopped her before she could lead him to the doctor. "I just- um. I have a few concerns about my boyfriend."

"Well, that's why you admitted him, right?" James nodded. "And he agreed, so obviously he has concerns as well."

"Well you see, he doesn't know where he is." The nurse gave him a puzzled look and set her clipboard down on the nearby counter. "I have all of the waivers signed by his mother. He _needs_ to be here." He pulled the paperwork out of his pocket and handed it to the woman who turned and gave it to the girl behind the desk.

"You said on the phone that you thought he had," She looked back at her clipboard and read from it. "Multiple Personalities Disorder?"

"Well, that's my self diagnosis based on what I found online. I'm hoping that I'm wrong." She continued to read from her clipboard and repeat things the James for approval.

"He's hostile sometimes?" James nodded. "Talks to himself frequently? Does it ever sound like a real conversation between him when he's angry and him when he's not?"

"Exactly like that."

"_Sounds_ like DID. But you never know. The brain, it's a crazy thing." James nodded again. "He'll need to be kept here, you know."

"Like, overnight?" She shook her head.

"For something like this, at the rate he's progressed I'd say weeks. Maybe months." James' eyes widened. He'd barely gotten Kendall to a doctor, and he was already starting to look antsy. How was he supposed to tell him that he'd be here for weeks? "It's all up to the doctor, though. You can go in now." James turned and motioned for Kendall to follow him. The blonde grabbed their jackets and skipped over to him, planting a big kiss on his cheek.

* * *

><p>They sat in the room for a while, and Kendall tried to stay calm. The white walls, the white counters with white cabinets and white curtains on the windows were all a little to bright for his liking. He hated the noise that the chair made when he moved around and he wanted nothing more than to kick it across the room. He looked around at all of the frames on the walls, trying not to focus on the noise. A few awards and medals, accompanied by a few pictures, but one in particular caught his eye.<p>

"Psychiatry? This is a psychiatrist?" James looked over at him and followed his eyes to the framed diploma on the wall. He swallowed hard, trying to think of what to say. "What, you think I'm crazy now?"

"No, Ken. It's not like that I just want you to get the help you need." He rubbed at Kendall's shoulders and the blonde swatted his hands away. "Kendall please, just stick with me. Please don't do this now."

"Do what? I'm not doing anything!" Just as Kendall was about to get up, a man walked in and sat at the desk in front of them.

"Hello, boys. I'm Noah Davis. You can call me Dr. Noah, or Dr. Davis, whichever feels better." Kendall pulled his hand from James' and folded his arms. "I heard a bit of yelling before I came in, is everything alright?"

"No, nothing's alright. I don't want to be here, I don't _need_ to be here, and I just want to go home!" The doctor gave a quick '_mmhmm_' and wrote something down on a notepad. "What are you writing?"

"Just little things about you. You shake your foot when your legs are crossed, when you cross your arms, you scratch at the fold of your elbow. You blink with your right eye before your left. Little things."

"You know all of that stuff just from talking to me for a minute?" Noah nodded and stuck his pencil behind his ear. "Why do you need to know that stuff?"

"The brain works in mysterious ways. Everyone's brain is different. So the more we know about the way yours works, the better we can help you with the problem you're having."

"I don't have a problem!" Kendall got up and moved swiftly toward the door. James was about to get up to follow him when Dr. Davis stopped him.

"Kendall, do you get headaches frequently?" The blonde's hand settled on the doorknob, stopping mid-turn. "Hurt so bad that you can barely move?" Kendall turned around, folding his arms again.

"Sometimes."

"You ever blackout? Forget large sections of days, even weeks. Forget what day of the week it is or what you just finished watching when you turn the T.V off?" Kendall nodded, sitting back down in his chair. "Ever hurt someone with no remorse or reason, then no recollection of doing it after?" James could see the tears welling up in Kendall's eyes and wanted nothing more than to hold him, and take him back home.

"Do you ever get mad at yourself? Mad at others for simple things?" When Noah saw the reflective look on Kendall's face, he added, "Tell me about your childhood, Kendall." Kendall looked up quickly.

"Why?" The doctor shrugged and motioned with his pencil for Kendall to go on. "Well, I met James when I was ten. We met at-"

"Earlier." Kendall mumbled a '_huh_' and Dr. Davis repeated himself. "Earlier on. Like maybe two or three. Kindergarten, even."

"I-um." Kendall sat for a while, tears running down his cheeks. He brought his sleeve up to wipe his nose and continued. "I can't think of anything." The doctor nodded and Kendall's breathing increased. "Why can't I think of anything?" James brought a hand up to rub circles on his back, faster and faster with his increasing heart rate. Kendall was having a panic attack, and James didn't know why Dr. Davis wasn't doing anything.

"Kendall, you're suffering from a disease that we call Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you calm down, I can explain it to you."

The blonde felt like his heart was going to pop out of his chest. This man exposes an entire ten years of his life that are missing and he expects him to calm down? His head starts to spin as the air going into his lungs stops fulfilling the amount he needs.

"Kendall, calm down. Tell me about the band." _The band_, Kendall thinks. _I know about that. _

"James-" He starts. "James wanted to be famous. I did it for him. I love James." His breathing starts to slow and James notes that his heart rate is slowly returning to normal. "I got through, he didn't. I fought for him."

"Are you okay now, Kendall?" Kendall nods slowly, unsure if he is, indeed, okay. "Now, I would like to give you a tour of where you'll be staying, if that's alright with you?"

"Staying? I can't stay here." He could feel it coming on again. The shortness of breath, goosebumps raising the hair on his arms, his heart pounding so hard he could practically see it through his chest. "I can't stay here, James. Don't leave me here." James looked up at Dr. Davis before the older man left the two of them in the room together.

"Babe, I told you that he could get rid of the headaches, right?" Kendall nodded. "You have to stay here so they can do that. They're gonna make you better, I promise."

"Will I get to see you?" With perfect timing, Noah popped his head into the room.

"Ashwin Heights is very loose with their visiting policies. Once we see progress, you can even have overnight visitors." James smiled at Kendall, pulling him close.

"Let them help you, please." Kendall closed his eyes and kissed at James' shoulder. "_I want my Kenny back." _

* * *

><p><em><strong>It's been forever and a day since I've updated this and I'm sorry. For some reason I just got a burst of creativity and drive to continue this and decided, why the heck not? I guess James' birthday inspired me. I hope you enjoy it. My writing's changed a little since the last update. Review if you want to, I love reading them. :)-<strong>_


	6. fingers claw your skin

"Kendall," He looked back at the woman in front of him. Yesterday, Jenny was assigned as his personal therapist. Kendall didn't mind her. She was the youngest they had, right out of college, so she understood most of his pop culture references. They had the same sense of humor, and spent most of their last session laughing together. She was also easy on the eyes.

She somewhat reminded Kendall of a female James. Shoulder length, chestnut-brown hair, hazel eyes that were mostly green. If Kendall weren't gay, he'd definitely go for Jenny, seeing as she was James' female double. "Are you okay? You seem distracted."

"I'm fine." Kendall folded his hands in his lap and shifted in his seat. "You should get more comfortable chairs." She laughed and leaned forward on the desk.

"I'll put it on my list of things to do." She paused for a minute before continuing. "If something's wrong you can tell me. I'm here for you."

"Because it's your _job_ to." She saw Kendall's fist clench and unclench and knew that he might be fighting off some anger.

"That doesn't mean I don't care." His fists loosened and he crossed his arms, closing himself off from the conversation. "Have you talked to James?"

"Yeah." His arms fell to his sides and Jenny could have sworn she saw a smile creeping onto his face. "Talked to him for a little while last night. I miss him."

"Well, when's he coming to visit?"

"He said maybe today, if Gustavo will let them go early."

"That'll be nice. You'll get to see your friends."

"Yeah, but Gustavo's not easy to crack. They're probably begging now." After saying that, she did exactly what Kendall expected and asked about the band, and Gustavo, and adapting to life in California. Slowly that transitioned into James and how they met.

"So, you haven't known each other that long?"

"Almost eight years _isn't that long _to you?" Kendall laughed and thought back to when he and James first met. "It was the first day of fourth grade. James was new and no one wanted to sit with him at lunch because he was fat. Everyone made jokes about him eating us."

"That's terrible."

"It was, but that's how we met."

* * *

><p><em>Carlos and Kendall sat down at their usual table in the middle of the cafeteria. Carlos liked to people watch, and this was the perfect place to do it. Kendall sat down, ready to dive face first into his sloppy joe when he heard loud laughter coming from the other side of the room. Kendall stood on his chair, trying to get a good look. What he saw almost killed him. <em>

_"They're throwing cookies at him." _

_"At who?" Carlos had barely bothered to chew his food before asking. _

_"The new kid." The smaller boy frowned and shrugged his shoulders. _

_"I know what you're thinking Kendall, but if we save him they might throw cookies at us!" Carlos thought for a minute, then smiled. "Free cookies would be awesome though." _

_Kendall gathered his food onto his tray and made his way over, looking over his shoulder to make sure that Carlos was following. He pushed through the crowd, shouting "**_move_**" when someone got in his way, and set his tray down next to James, smirking when Carlos took the other side. _

_"If any of you make fun of my friend again, _**_You'll hurt for days_**_." The crowd dispersed and Kendall took a seat. _

_"You didn't have to do that. I'm used to it." _

_"Well, friends don't let friends get bullied." Kendall stuck out his hand and James took it. "Kendall Knight. That's Carlos. I hope you know, this means you're one of us now." _

_"One of you?" Kendall nodded and James smiled, chubby cheeks turning red. Kendall laughed. _

_"I like your cheeks." Kendall stuck out a finger to poke one of them and James laughed. "And your laugh." _

* * *

><p>"That was nice of you. To stick up for him like that." Kendall smiled and bit his lip. "What about Carlos?"<p>

"What about him?"

"When did you meet? Did you protect him too?"

"Everyone always liked Carlos. He's got that type of personality." Kendall shook his head slowly, trying to figure it out. "I don't remember."

"It's okay. Take your time. Think of little things."

"I can't!" Kendall slammed his fists on the desk, startling Jenny. "I have a headache, can I go?" She nodded and buzzed the door, watching as an orderly came to escort Kendall to his room.

"Oh, and Kendall." He turned and faced Jenny's desk. "Good job today. It took a full hour before you said '_I can't'_" She smiled and Kendall returned it, closing the door on his way out.

* * *

><p>James visited for a while, just to hug him, kiss him and say goodnight. Kendall almost didn't notice that he'd left one of his shirts on the pillow. He lifted it to his nose and inhaled deeply. It smelled like home, their room, and James body wash. It was a comforting smell, unlike the scents that lingered in the hospital. Like bleach and sanitizer. It was too clean.<p>

When James was there, he'd noticed that Kendall had started with a new bad habit. He scratched his arm a lot. Scratched it to the point where the skin in the area was red, and raw. Swollen to the point where it was visibly raised. He'd told him to stop at least five times before he realized that Kendall didn't know he was doing it. It just happened.

He'd stare off into space and scratch at his arm while James was telling him about his day. He couldn't control it. Before he left, James held him close and rocked him for a while, running his fingers through his hair and humming his favorite song.

"I love you, Ken." Kendall looked up from his place in James' lap and poked his cheek. "What was that for?"

"I still love your cheeks." James laughed at the memory kissed Kendall's forehead. "And your laugh."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Just a little filler. One of Kendall's first therapy sessions and James' first visit. Enjoy. :)-<strong>_


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